Quick rundown: you’re Edward Carnby, a 1930’s detective in 2008’s Noo Yoik. Why so out of time? A mystery deserving of its own TV show, so no surprises to see Alone in the Dark chopped into episodic jaunts – complete with ‘previously on’ fade-ins. It’s far more natter-free than any other TV show, mind.

An opening segment sees a few words exchanged with some mysterious chaps holding you hostage before all manner of unpleasantness crashes the party, taking out limbs, floors and walls in the process. No party bag for that unpleasantness.

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