April Fools: ASTRO Gaming Announces The Gold Edition
April 1, 2011 – SAN FRANCISCO — As the world’s leading premium gaming brand, ASTRO Gaming is always looking for ways to help elite players perform at their best. One thing we’ve found is that conventional materials yield conventional results. Therefore, after years of extensive research, ASTRO Gaming is announcing exclusive limited edition pre-orders for “The Gold Edition”, a line of products that have been created using solid 22K gold.
22K gold delivers the ultimate in ultra-premium gaming performance, helping you outshine the competition literally and figuratively.
The first products in the lineup will be:
- Gold Edition A40 headset – go beyond the ultimate and look like gaming royalty with the greatest gaming headset ever constructed.
- Gold Edition XBox 360 Controller – for incredibly lag-free, 0 MS response time performance and bejeweled for the ultimate in intimidation effects.
- Gold Edition MixAmp 5.8 Rx Wireless Receiver – for uninterruptable military-grade communication solution
- Gold Edition Urban Lanyard – tie it all together with this hip, functional accessory; perfect for the arena or the club
Check out the Gold Edition at www.astrogaming.com.
Gold is the most conductive metal on the planet. We’ve harnessed that conductive power in our Gold Edition A40 headset, complete with gold cables and connectors, assuring the fastest and most accurate audio signal ever delivered in a gaming product. Our modified Gold Edition XBox 360 controller comes complete with diamond-tipped buttons and gold wiring. When you use this controller, it literally feels like it’s reading your mind.
Gold is the most malleable metal on the planet, so over time your Gold Edition A40 headset and XBox 360 controller will get to know you personally, adapting their shape to your personal characteristics.
Gold reflects electromagnetic and infrared radiation, so our Gold Edition 5.8 Rx wireless receiver cannot be subject to any interference whatsoever, including solar flares, rocket launchers and vacuum cleaners.
Gold is easy to care for. Spill your drink on your Gold Edition A40’s? No problem – gold is a noble metal that’s chemically unaffected by air and moisture and most corrosive regents.
Gold is heavy and strong, so if you slam your Gold Edition gear to the ground in exultation or frustration, everyone including your neighbors will take notice. (ASTRO is not responsible for Gold Edition-related acts of unintended violence, injury, property damage, sexual dysfunction, looting, acts of God or Gods resulting in break-up, separation or divorce)
Gold is epic! Don’t you want to game with something that’s thought to have been formed from a supernova nucleosynthesis process? Their explosions scattered metal-containing dusts into the region of space in which they later condensed into our solar system and the Earth. Gold is elemental yo.
Gold is clever. Open yourself up to all kinds of Gold Edition catch-phrases like “you’re golden”, “you’ve got a heart of gold”, “go for the gold”, “thars gold in them there hills”, “good as gold”, “silence is golden”, and many other classics. If you’re lucky, your friends might even start to call you “Golden Boy”, “Golden Girl” or even rave DJ “Goldie” aka Clifford Joseph Price.