Nintendo PR – “10 Tips for Creating the Ultimate Photo Dojo Warrior”
1. To create the battle face, a Photo Dojo warrior might think of previous enemies or undesirable food combinations such as brussel sprouts in spoiled milk. Practice battle face in the mirror until the mirror begins to weep in fear.
2. Achieving the proper kung fu pose is simple. A Photo Dojo warrior must train in martial arts for a minimum of 12 years in isolation. Now pose.
3. To create the fireball sound effect, a Photo Dojo warrior must think like a fireball for 10 minutes and then make a sound.
4. A Photo Dojo warrior must be able to face opponents with an unflinching stare. Think about a schoolyard bully from your youth. Imagine that he has been cloned 100 times and that all of the clones are running toward you at high speed. If you do not cry, you are ready for Photo Dojo.
5. To give your eyes the necessary intensity required for Photo Dojo warrior creation, imagine that each of your eyes is an exploding supernova, then stare at a bowl of ice. Repeat until the ice melts instantly. Now you are ready for Photo Dojo.
6. To create the proper victory stance, embody a pose and expression that properly conveys your humbleness yet still says to your opponent, “I own your soul for all eternity.”
7. To create the blocking pose, travel back in time to vaudeville days. Tell terrible jokes to encourage an audience to throw rotten vegetables at you. Protect yourself from being hit. Now photograph.
8. To create your punch pose, you must search the grocery story for a large vegetable that resembles your worst enemy. Throw the item in the air and punch it with great force. Now photograph with your Nintendo DSi system.
9. To record the proper Photo Dojo warrior taunt phrase, find a dog wearing one of those cone-shaped veterinary collars. Study the expression of everyone who looks at the dog. Put that into words.
10. To fully become a Photo Dojo warrior, sleep with your Nintendo DSi system beneath your pillow until you begin dreaming that your Photo Dojo warrior is speaking to you. Now wake up. Do you still hear that voice? Then you are ready.